Factors to consider when choosing a spouse

Marriage is one of the oldest traditions that have been practiced by the human race. This is because it is the union of two friends from different backgrounds - social, economic, ethnic, and in some cases religious.

The union between a man and a woman has been ordained by God and plays a vital role in his plan for the happiness and development of humankind as a whole. However, selecting the right life partner is necessary to lead a happy married life. This was expressed in the views shared by those who spoke to LifeXtra on factors to consider when choosing a marriage mate.

Farida Adamu who resides in Jos, responded thus “I can’t be with someone I do not have a bond with from the inside. It’s connection that makes the relationship grow.”

Elijah Anika, engineer, had a contrary opinion. “Everybody keeps saying compatibility, but I say trust is the most important. When you trust each other, you can walk through barriers without even noticing it.”

Michael Chiedoziem Chukwudera, a Student, says, “There is no such thing as a most important factor. it takes a whole lot of factors for a relationship to work out. Because we are humans and are flawed, the spirit of forgiveness is a foundational block on which every relationship should be erected. So I would not call that a factor. Apart from it, I will adore a woman who is interested in me and my dreams because I will definitely be interested in hers. As the bible says, Iron shall sharpen iron and we shall grow together, because the main goal of a true relationship is to enable the growth of the parties.”

Intelligence, Richard Ifeanyi says, would be a quality he would look out for when seeking a spouse. He added “To me, if a lady is not intelligent, she can’t make a good wife even if she is compatible with you. Her sense of humour should cover every factor of a good relationship. A girl can love you, respect you, clean up your house; but if she is not intelligent, and then she is a no-no for me.”

Janet Ejiofor Obiora says that the most important thing to consider before choosing a spouse is vision. She said, “They should both ask themselves what their visions and goals are in life.”

“You must consider how you can influence and merge both. Marriage is a partnership you both must be working to achieve a set goal both for yourselves and for your children. If there is no well laid out plan or vision for the marriage then there is nothing to strive for. When this is the case, all irrelevant issues like mistrust begin to gain relevance. A visionless man or woman is a no-go area. So the first question to ask is...”what is your vision” where are you going?”

Su’eddie Vershima Agema, an author, told LifeXtra “Trust and respect, God’s word or if you want, fear of God.” Explaining further, she said, “Now, if you have no trust, then there will always be doubt which can shatter any relationship. Where there’s no respect the partners will feel they are been taken for granted. Finally, the fear of God in any relationship makes it beautiful, cements it and protects partners from several evils.”

Andrew Patience, an OAP and poet, said, “Spiritual compatibility rooted in a deep sense of being.”

The article “7 ways to choose the right life partner” by Times of India says that one of the ways of selecting a right partner is “Consider your partner’s intellect: If you are a laid-back person and your partner is an over-achiever, that could lead to a threat in your marriage. You must see eye to eye on how both of you are able to think and process things.”

The article also stated that “While choosing a life partner, you need to consider your and your family’s standards. Though it’s okay to choose someone who probably does not belong to the same strata of society as yours, make sure that he/she’s not completely off the mark.”