Oh Christ! I've been waiting for someone to ask this question since forever…
Just the straightforward strategy that will get you from here to there. Come on now! No easy shots here it's gonna be a tough ride.
Grab your wits and Enjoy.
Throw all your former clothes away- if you ain't confident. It means you're very self conscious about the way you look to others. So, if you dress less than stunning before? Empty your wardrobe. Get new badass wears and start adorning them. That's step 1.Get your morning routines- you need stereotyped activities for your morning that will charge you up for a confident day. Here's what you do after you wake up- you drink water then exercise, then you do guided meditation and finally you set your challenge goals for the day.Get your list ready- there is nothing like universal confidence. You get confidence at things when you practice it. So make that list of that things you'd like to do, the things attract scare you and those that terrify you. You're going to do everything on that list several times very soon. So Get them down now!Break that terrific challenge down to pieces-most people are looking for a miracle cure that'll take all their fear away and make them superman or wonderwoman. Sorry that doesn't exist. What you're gonna do is pick out those things that terrify you. Break them down. If it's public speaking, take it one step at a time by first presenting to your friend, then group of friends, then a slightly larger group and on and on like that. Don't just go out and try 1000 people on your first trial. Or if it's approaching women, start by asking for directions, then next time Hello. Then hello what's up. Then hello how you doing, what are you doing over here, and on and on like that.Build your avatar- what? You need an avatar? Yes you do. This is the mental picture of your badass that you'll develop. This imaginary guy has unlimited confidence and no fear. Build him as you'd like your ideal self to be and start visualizing him. Let him come real in your mind. And when it's time to act. Ask yourself how would my ideal self(avatar) act?. (For the record, my avatar is no different from superman)Protect your motivation- Here's where most people fall of the track. You can't grow confidence so fast on your own. To make it go well you need to manage your motivation. This means you need to quit your former shy and negative friends if you have any, and start making bold friends who will catapult you outta your comfort zone. Look for those bold guys around and do everything in your power to become friends with them.Set rewards and punishment for your challenges-so after your morning routines, you visit your list and you pick the challenges you're gonna tackle for that day. Now what I used to do is I don't eat until I talk to a stranger and I eat at KFC if I get 10 phone numbers in a week. Start setting rewards and awful punishments for your confidence goals now!Kill it with your body language- your mind influences your body and your body also influences the mind. One big trick to boost your confidence is to start faking confidence with your body language. Start walking and talking slower, stand tall and take up space around you. With time you'll become who you're acting to be.Accept failure- this just dropped in my life and I felt I needed to add it. In the process of building your confidence and facing your fear. You're gonna fail, you'll fall flat in your face several times and get embarrassed. You have to accept this and always get back on your feet.
Now. Go. Out. There. And. Make. Magic.
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Grab my free online course that treats this in more depth.
Kirke Ruuven
Self-Developer
27w ago
Been there, done that.
I am going to tell you what has helped me. I was in a deep hole of self-hate, but now I am a totally normal person and love myself.
Some points for you to think about:
You have to stop thinking about yourself so much. Accept the fact that you are not special! You are like everybody else in the world. Get over yourself.If a person has low self-confidence, it’s because he has acted in the past in a way that made him feel stupid, clumsy, weird and now he believesthat he must act the same way in the future. The good news is that it’s possible to train yourself to be more outgoing and confident. It’s your own choice.Accept the fact that the only person holding you back is you. You might have a feeling that people hate and judge you if you speak up, but that is not true. You must take responsibility for your own thoughts, feeling and actions. Nobody can have power over you! You own them!You are actually not shy. You may have a very powerful mind that creates a image of yourself as an extremely shy person, but it’s not real. The truth is that you are your actions and when you really want to, you can act confident. This means that you must take action. Start that conversation. Say hi to that nice girl. Smile to that stranger. There is no magic pill that you can take and now BOOM you’re confident. It’s just comes down to your actions.
In conclusion:
If you want to become confident, you must do things that you normally wouldn’t do. You will be suprised of how outgoing you can be!
With this mindset I went to talk to the most handsome guys and they all loved me. I actually made them laugh! You just have to realize, that nobody else is thinking about you like you do about yourself. Relax and go talk to anybody you want to. Trust yourself. You can do it.
This has helped me on my journey. I hope this will help you as well.
Good luck.
Ville Stranius
Thinker. Philosophy & Sci-fi fan. First in line to take the nanobot shot.
27w ago
By loving yourself.
If need be, go from accepting -> liking -> loving.
Being confident is a journey that takes awhile. Think of it like getting fit (btw being super fit is not necessary for confidence). The sustainable way is to make small life changes and keep them forever. They also say that self-image is slow to change, an overweight person can feel that he’s/she’s fat for possibly years after reaching normal measures.
How to start liking yourself?
Physical attributes:
If you feel like you need a lift-up in style, do it. Clothes and other “gear” like eyeglasses (if you use them) should reflect the kind of image you want to display from yourself. Get the kind of body figure you are comfortable with, again no need to go overboard and pursue athlete body unless you feel like that’s really something worth pursuing for and spending all the required time. Physical attributes are kind of easy, but even they take some time and/or money to change. Be patient.
Mindset:
Ok this can be somewhat trickier. You need to find out your core values, what kind of person you want to be. In addition, you need to find out your aspirations, what are the things you want to do in life or have in it. These can naturally change over time and don’t need to be set in stone. Having your values and goals defined and being OK with them as well as your physical attributes is already quite a win. Your whole self-evaluation needs to arise from within, you are OK with what you are and you like the direction where you’re going to.
Living according to your values and acting in a way that your goals are proceeded, gives sense of rewardment and moving onward with your life. Oh, almost forgot to mention, kind of like values, define your boundaries and defend them. Tell people off that cross them or at least make sure you know when they have been crossed and then make a judgement call, whether you want to do something about it. Taking the highroad and ignoring an ignorant person is often the smart move, it doesn’t make you a pussy.
Reading inspirational / self-help material often raises thoughts and you might want to incorporate or avoid incorporating some of the behavioral patterns presented in such blogs or articles.
If you need help in defining your values and goals, I actually found a dating site (Such as OK Cupid) with hundreds of questions and profile building helpful. Some of the questions were really difficult to answer at first since I honestly didn’t know my stance in some matters. More questions answered, more from myself discovered ; ]
Rebecca Knowles
8w ago
Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth. ~Iyanla Vanzant
You have ideas that could solve many of the problems you see around you. You could regale people with interesting stories that crack them up. You could be the perfect partner, parent, or friend.
Something tells you that your ideas are not worth announcing in public. Something keeps you from sharing your interesting stories. Something stops you from giving all youve got and taking all you need from your closest relationships.
Even though you know that you can be so much more, deep down you have a nagging feeling that you are not worthy of greatness, accolade, pure joy, and happiness.
When I met him, I used to think he was shy and maybe lacked the confidence to speak up, like I did. Fifteen years of being together has shown me how very wrong I was.
While I have always bounced back and forth between lack of confidence and overconfidence, my husband has been very even keeled, almost unnaturally so. He doesnt get fazed by what people say. His decisions are not dependent on what others think. He has such a deep-seated sense of self-worth that nothing seems to affect him.
Slowly, Ive come to realize that self-esteem has nothing to do with being gregarious/extroverted or shy/introverted. It comes from a place much deeper, from within yourself.
On the other hand, if you consciously commit to conduct yourself right, no matter what the situation is, you can permanently increase your sense of self-worth.
Ive been putting this theory to test over the past couple of years and have started noticing a much more deep-seated sense of calm within, from which a strong sense of self-worth has emerged.
Have you heard the quote You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time? Knowing that someday you will be found out is what kills the self-esteem
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