Relationships take work. A lot of work. But a week at a couples' retreat — while potentially nice — isn't the only way to reestablish intimacy.
You have multiple opportunities every day to show your partner you care, get to know them better, and defuse petty arguments.
Below, find seven strategies for strengthening your relationship, none of which take more than 10 minutes.
Try 'mindful conversation'
"Mindful conversation" isn't designed to help romantic couples, per se — but it's a useful exercise in learning to actually listen to what your partner is saying, instead of tuning out or waiting for your chance to jump in.
Here's how it works (one of you can be "A" and the other can be "B"):
1. A talks and B listens for a set time period (say, three minutes)
2. B responds with, "What I heard you say is …"
3. A gives feedback and B responds until A is satisfied.
4. A and B switch roles.
It might be awkward at first, but it gets easier over time.
Hug or kiss your partner
Happiness expert Gretchen Rubin previously told Business Insider that she and her family make a habit of practicing "warm greetings and farewells." Every time someone comes or goes, everyone gives a sincere hello or goodbye.
It's a habit most couples could stand to adopt. According to IKEA's "Life at Home" report, while most people surveyed say it's important to hug or kiss their partner in the morning, far fewer people report showing this kind of physical affection before heading out the door.
And yet research suggests that physical affection is related to greater satisfaction in romantic relationships. So take a minute or two to show your partner how much you care about them.
Say 'thank you' for something small
In "The Gratitude Diaries," journalist Janice Kaplan chronicles her yearlong experiment with being more grateful for everything and everyone in her life — including her husband.
She writes that thanking her husband for something as small as fixing a leaky faucet ended up improving her overall marriage.
As Business Insider's Erin Brodwin has reported, psychologists have known for a while that couples who express gratitude toward each other are more likely to stay together. In fact, thanking your partner even once can bring you two closer months later.
That's possibly because a single act of gratitude
sparks a cycle of gratitude and generosity: You thank your partner, so your partner feels appreciated and invests more in the relationship, which in turn makes you feel more grateful to them.
Reassess the division of household chores
On the "Best of Both Worlds" podcast, time-management expert Laura Vanderkam and physician Sarah Hart-Unger recommend a simple strategy to relieve some of the stress from your relationship.
There are two steps:
1. Each person writes down all the family responsibilities they're currently taking care of.
2. Each person shares which of those responsibilities they enjoy, and which they don't.
The point is to figure out how much of the burden you're really shouldering, and to figure out if you can "swap" some chores so everyone's doing the things they enjoy.
Try the 'just like me' exercise
That's a tip from Chade-Meng Tan, a former Google engineer and the creator of the "Search Inside Yourself" emotional-intelligence course.
In his 2012 book, also called "Search Inside Yourself," Tan explains how he handles conflict with his wife:
"I visualize the other person in the next room. I remind myself that this person is just like me, wants to be free from suffering just like me, wants to be happy just like me, and so on. And then I wish that person wellness, happiness, freedom from suffering, and so on.
"After just a few minutes of doing this, I feel much better about myself, about the other person, and about the whole situation. A large part of my anger dissipates immediately."
No comments:
Post a Comment