............. WE ALL KNOW FINANCIAL PROBLEMS AND POOR COMMUNICATION CAN CAUSE MARITAL PROBLEMS, BUT WHAT OTHER THREATS ARE LURKING IN THE DISTANCE?...........
01. Lack of Investment
e think of investments in regard to money. But e forget about the time investment and ducation investment that we need to have in arning how to maintain successful marriages.
Why do we think we don’t need any skills when oing into a marriage? What other job do we sign p for without any training?” asks Sadler.Sadler’s dvice includes simply investing time in each ther that may include 2-3 hours of your ndivided attention for your partner and of course seeking out couples’ counseling and/or books to elp you navigate the obstacles of a marriage.
02. Unforgiveness
ur inability to truly forgive our partners in arriage is one of the major reasons that they ail. True forgiveness is when we are able to treat ur partners as if the offense never happened hich proves to be very difficult for couples. We re constantly reliving the trauma of past xperiences which never gives the wounds the pportunity to heal.
03. Not Showing Up for Your Spouse
o many things can happen in the course of a arriage as Dr. Bradford mentioned. As we xperience the ups and downs of life, it’s portant that our partners “show up,” in some of he most difficult experiences whether that’s sing a home, the death of a child, or a sick arent. Sadler advises the importance of being ble to ask your partner “What is it that you eed?” instead of making assumptions. She cites
major issue as the tendency we have to simply ant to fix the problem. “Every situation doesn’t eed to be fixed.
Sometimes you just need to how up,” warns Sadler. Showing up includes eing able to communicate that you may not now what you need at the time, but finding the pportunities to talk through these tough ituations and be honest with your partner.
04. Forgetting the Friendship
omehow the terms “husband” and “wife” add so uch more pressure than we’ve experienced in ur relationships prior to the marriage. Often imes, without realizing it, we forget about the riendship that was formed in the dating process nd get so far away from it after the nuptials. adler advises that we approach marriage with riendship at the forefront and learn to be able to ommunicate with our partners from a friend erspective without always being so easily o,
ffended.
05. Unspoken Expectations
his is definitely an area that seeps into our bility to communicate but is a very specific part f the puzzle that is often missed. Not only do we nore an opportunity to communicate our xpectations, but we also begin to act on those xpectations not being met “We come from ifferent backgrounds and expect different things nd never communicate that to our partners. omen never let men know how crucial security
to us.
We think men should know to provide, rotect, etc., but it’s rarely discussed in detail. en are being brought up in single parent ouseholds and have no examples of what it eans to be that security,” says Sharon Sadler of OS Marriage Network.
06. Lack of Flexibility
Even if a couple has done their due diligence nd discussed and agreed on the big topics like inances and parenting styles, there needs to be oom in the plans for things to change. A artner's ideas about working outside of the ome may change after a child enters the family, r health issues could arise that impact your exual relationship,” says Joy Harden Bradford, h.D. “I think the key to managing changes that ere not expected is to remember that you and our partner are on the same team and should ut your heads together to tackle the issue and ot each other. If you find it difficult to do this on our own then scheduling an appointment with a ouple's therapist may be a great strategy to help ou both get some clarity and perspective.”
07. Familial or Societal Pressure
ften times our families have thoughts on who e should marry. Women tend to also be racing he clock when it comes to getting the husband nd the family started so they are not marked ith the scarlet letter of being “30 something and ingle.” This, Johnson believes can lead to aking rash decisions in marriage that in turn an lead to divorce. Johnson addresses the ressure that we face as women when it comes to marriage. “At some point, people will nderstand the danger of living and loving for thers to which they will want to leave the arriage. In that case, it may be the best decision for both parties involved. It's never too te to find yourself and most of us need to find urselves every few years.”
08. Lack of Self-Knowledge
There's a mix of people that never explored what hey like or need and there are others that go with hat their family thinks is good for them.
These people date who looks good on paper for the amily and for a societal image.Whether this is to it in or stand out, depends on the individual and heir life experiences,”Jaynay C. Johnson, MFT explains.
“My advice to overcome this is to take our time getting to know and love yourself. understand what you like and don't like.document how situations make you feel and if ou are able to overcome them quickly or not.talk your feelings out with your partner, friends ortherapist so you don't internalize emotions.finally ,accept that you will change over time. hat you like at 25 may not be what you like at 0 and that's okay.”
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